New iPhone Firmware Mangles Upgrades [CONFIRMED!] by in Technology / September 25th, 2007
The much-rumoured firmware update to the iPhone has been leaked to us by a confidential source inside Apple (Thanks, Tommy!) and after applying it to our handsets, we can confirm that it screws the sucker up like Britney Spears at a donut shop before an awards show. Here are just some of the things we’ve observed from our brand-new iBricks:
- Halo 3 Bugs: Upon installing Halo 3 on our iPhones, we were presented with a warning message that said: “This game is not compatible with your version of Xbox Live”, and basically disallowed any network play. Or at least it felt disabled. Might’ve just been the EDGE network. Also, we found that the rumble feedback was lacking that extra OOMPH… almost felt like a my cell phone vibrating. Lame.
- Flux Capacitor Disengaged: My favourite iPhone hack, the Flux Capacitor, stopped working completely. I now have no way to be on time for missed meetings and to play the stock market. Every time you open the app, it tells you: “Great Scott! File not found!”. Biggest loss so far! [ed. note: I never liked this app primarily because you had to run 88 miles per hour to get it to work]
- Blu Ray Support Disabled: Remember all those great hacks involving band saws and nail clippers that let you play Blu Ray discs on your iPhone? Totally disabled. Now when you pop in your copy of Spiderman 3, a message appears that reads: “Format unrecognized. Please use HD-DVD instead.” What a bummer! Update from reader John J: “That’s messed up! I’d installed the HD-DVD hack before the update, and my iPhone tells me to use Blu Ray instead!” Oh, those crafty Apple buggers…
- New User Prefs Confusing: After rebooting your iPhone, you are asked to upgrade your profile. There are lots of cool things in the new profile system, but we had a lot of trouble with drop-down choices (pictured right). It seemed no matter what we chose, we ended up getting SMS spam from someone named Leah, and all she would say was: “WTF Dude?!?!”
- Upgrade? Self-Healing iPhones: The news about parallel universes the other day may have been subtle astroturfing by Apple PR… now whenever you hit, scratch or drop your iPhone, it appears to branch itself into a whole new alternate reality. I dropped mine on the floor a few minutes ago and I now have three units, one of which has a cracked screen. The preferences for this feature are a bit weak (“Damage Iteration Limit” can only go up to 5 at a time), but I’m sure someone will find a way to turn this into a great black market opportunity!
- Distorting Truth: When visiting any major political website using the iPhone’s browser, the list of presidential candidates is limited to just the top two or three from each party! Ron Paul doesn’t show up at all! Update: We have just confirmed that Apple has also upgraded the desktop version of Safari to do the same thing! Ron Paul doesn’t show up on any polls! WTF!
Conclusion
Despite all the issues we found with the new iPhone update, we still think it’s a great improvement on an already-great product. Before, the iPhone was arguably the best phone on the planet… but now it’s even better: it seems shinier, lighter, more solid, with a longer battery life, and we’ve noticed top-notch signal strength for WiFi, Bluetooth and RDF. We love Steve Jobs.
Peace out.
Got an iPhone horror story of your own?: Post it below so everyone knows what to expect!
Also: Our crack team of iPhone upgrade experts will answer your questions!
