Scientology Miffed at Anonymous by in News / February 27th, 2008
Worldwide powerhouse Religion® Scientology today released an open letter to Anonymous, the faceless mob of internet-based critics, sharply criticizing the group’s tactics and poor form.
“We’ve been expecting you for over a month now, and still nothing,” wrote Ludwig Peachance, Scientology’s west coast BSE rep, “It’s just rude, really. Every time the doorbell rings, the kids get all excited and run to the door, and it’s never you. If we should ‘expect you’, please have the common courtesy to show up. Or at least call to say you’ll be late.”
Kenny Iozen, a spokesman for Helsinki-based Anonymous, refused comment for this story, but in an off-the-record phone call said the issue boiled down to logistics and planning glitches due to the fact that nobody in the organization knows who anyone else is. A recent attempt to decide on the visual theme for the group’s phpBB forum snowballed into a worldwide rally that snarled traffic in London for hours, all because “the most subtle means of communication we’ve got right now are YouTube videos”.
Another anonymous Anonymous member explained the current hold-up in sitting down with Scientology boils down to “the rules of engagement”. Some members reportedly want to show up for tea wearing Guy Fawkes masks and carrying various oriental weapons for show, while others debate the merits of bringing scones instead of butter cookies. The butter cookies currently enjoy a 10 point lead.
Scientology, for their part, do not care about excuses.
“You’ve been far too vague about it all,” continued the letter, posted to the group’s website, “You say ‘we are legion’, but how many is that exactly? A Roman republic legion was 4,200 men, so do we need to rent a hall? We’re trying to arrange for brain-altering machines to cover the whole group, but honestly, we can’t just keep them on standby forever. Tom Cruise goes through them like you wouldn’t believe.”
Erin Barkley is the author of the upcoming book “John McCain and the Truth Behind the Forthcoming Worldwide Recession: How Corporate Greed and Two Pineapples Destroyed the American Dream”.
February 28th, 2008 at 9:46 am
Loved it. Love it!
The phenomena of Anonymous has been getting attention in various High Schools around the world where students who observed and/or participated in the effort have been writing fairly technical and at times even scholarly papers about the phenomena.
I’m a long time member of the ARSCC (which does not exist) which has been working to stop and expose the Scientology corporation’s crimes and abuses for some 14 years now. During the world-wide Lisa McPherson Memorial Protest of December 5′th, 1998, we managed to get some 60 human rights, civil rights, and other activists protesting the murder of Lisa in Clearwater, Florida, and some 200 or so other activists elsewhere in the world.
Last December 10′th, Anonymous fielded at minimum 7,000 activists, all of them without exception exhibiting a stark understanding of what the Scientology corporation is and what it does — phenomenal!
The old timers who have been trying to dismantle the criminal enterprise — some of us for decades — overwhelmingly welcome Anonymous even though almost all of us who expressed an opinion denounced the initial Distributed Denial of Service attacks which launched the Anonymous campaign.
On April 12′th, Anonymous will be taking the next step after the March 15′th “raids” — which will be larger than the Feb 10′th raids. Operation Reconnect ( http://www.reconnect.org/ ) will launch. This is an effort to assist family members and other loved ones find out where their disappeared sons, daughters, husbands, and wifes are being held — which Scientology compound in which city.
Additionally Operation Reconnect will provide detailed accounts of families which have been destroyed by the Scientology corporation — among other massively destructive acts against families.
It’s great seeing Anonymous being discussed here with wit and humor. In fact, wit, humor, creatively, and sheer numbers iw what makes Anonymous a force that the sinister, profoundly bad Scientology corporation must now face.
Go anonymous! Go Operation Reconnect!
If anyone wants information about Scientology or would like to talk with a Scientology customer who spent 30 years dedicating her life, emotion, and (obviously) her money to Scientology, check out Tory Christman at the Tory Magoo web site http://www.torymagoo.org/ and get a look at what it was like.
March 27th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Corrugated!