US Urges Action Over Iran Nukes by in News / December 3rd, 2007
The US government reacted strongly to news Monday that Iran had suspended its nuclear weapons program in 2003, with Washington sending envoys to capitals around the world to drum up support for military action against the rogue nation.
“Iran remains as big a threat as ever,” said Pentagon spokesman Luis Applebaum at a daily press briefing, “They may not have nukes, and they may not be working to build them, but I think real question is: why don’t they want nukes? Are they crazy? We’re gonna invade them! If I were them, I’d want nukes. They’re like Hannibal Lecter or something, just smiling at us, licking their lips. Gives me the creeps.”
Sources inside the White House suggest Vice President Dick Cheney’s staff have been aggressively pushing an anti-anti-nuclear stance with regards to Iran over the past few weeks. In a draft presented to the Joint Chiefs last Thursday, Cheney suggested pre-emptively striking any nation that does not at least have a secret plan to develop nuclear weapons. The policy was ultimately defeated when General Rosen Kojeski pointed out “that Poland, for instance, doesn’t want nukes”, and Cheney didn’t flinch.
“Iran will not give in to threats and innuendo,” said Iranian ambassador Ahmed Aboujani in a press conference Monday afternoon. “But I have to say, I think my translator is confused about this. You’re seriously saying you need to bomb us because we’re being peaceful? And I thought my boss was nuts… yeesh…”
But it was Republican Presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani that seemingly made the most convincing argument for invasion, during a rally in Kentucky:
“When I hear that Iran has no nukes, it makes me think of September 11, 2001,” he said to loud cheers from the party faithful, “And I remember that as the towers went down, there were no nukes involved. And to me, that says that we must invade Iran. Because one of these days, we’re gonna get it right.”
An official for the French government said his country had no position yet, but would eventually disagree with whatever the US policy ended up being.
December 4th, 2007 at 11:35 am
> General Rosen Kojeski pointed out “that Poland, for instance, doesn’t want nukes”, and Cheney didn’t flinch.
It’s good to know that we have such wise leaders. I’m glad they didn’t forget about Poland.
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On an off-topic note, is there likely to be any coverage of the border Canada is planning to build to keep out illegal American immigrants? Given how many people have said “Screw this, I’m moving to Canada!” lately, it’s going to be needed soon if Canada wants to protect its jobs, culture, language, and way of life, eh?
December 4th, 2007 at 12:00 pm
The sad thing is that this is mostly true. I’m sure it was meant to be funny, but Bush just held a press conference saying that the NIE supports the case to invade Iran.