Utah-based consumer products company PlutoniUS was accused Monday of silently sponsoring a study that implied that radioactive materials are not actually bad for human health, in a bid to boost holiday sales.

“The truth of the matter is, PlutoniUS was the chief sponsor of the research, and dictated the results,” said Graeme Forrester of Americans United Against Nuclear Americans, “I don’t care how nice their atomic toasters are, they can’t just make up science. That’s the President’s job.”

Critics say the company, which specializes in radioactive versions of common household items like refrigerators, stoves and hair dryers, has been fighting “an uphill battle” for several years while trying to change the public perception that a little unshielded uranium can lead to cancer, misery, suffering and death. Former CEO Gil Gilmato was fired last February after his disastrous “We’re the growth industry” campaign saw a 90% drop in share value.

Still, the company insists the study has merit, despite their financial backing.

“Look, I’ve been using my nuclear-powered toothbrush for close to two years now, and I feel great!” said PlutoniUS spokesman Robby Shingfield at a hastily-arranged press conference. “It doesn’t matter who paid for the study. What matters is that the facts are the facts, and anyone that says otherwise, well, I stick my tongues out at them.”

The company intends to expand its line of consumer goods this December, as well as introduce a new brand of toys called “Glowy Friends”, which is described as “a family-friendly imagination game about talking mutant human-animal hybrids in the fun, fun town of Chernobyl Acres”.

“It’s gonna do really well,” said Shingfield, “I betcha it’ll be the last toy your kid ever needs.”

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