Bush Bans Growing Skin, Baffles Scientists by in Politics / November 20th, 2007
In a hastily-arranged press conference in the Rose Garden today, President Bush announced he would ban Americans from growing skin, calling it “a moral abomination we can’t let stand.”
Sources inside the White House sought to downplay the policy change, which has been sent to members of Congress in blue crayon draft form this afternoon, saying: “He saw the news about turning skin cells into stem cells, and no one was around to stop him. Just smile and nod if you can.”
Still, there are some that don’t see banning skin as a bad idea.
“This is exactly what we’ve been waiting for,” said Hans McAnikal of the American Association of Cybernetic Aficionados, “The big problem with robotic hand implants is figuring a way to wrap your old skin around them so you don’t freak out little kids. If everyone had no skin, it would save me so much stapling, let me tell you.”
Scientists remain divided about how to react to the President’s announcement, wary of drawing attention to themselves over a cause he apparently feels so strongly about. They point to the case of Dr Alfred Mencina of the Harvard School of Environment Studies, who published a paper contradicting official White House policy, and was subsequently found full of birdshot off a quail hunting range in Maine.
“Skin is bad, and I can’t wait to get rid of it,” said Dr Wilson Triplehorn, a genetics professor at USC, “Someone get me a carrot peeler. And tell the Vice President I like his tie. Heh. Ouch!”
November 20th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
WTF is this? Why do you waste your human life writting junk? Wish I hadnt wasted mine reading it.
November 20th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
I hope the author of this article spontaneously combusts.
November 20th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
Are you two both Religious Nazis? Die please.
November 20th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
Oooh, you know a blog has arrived when people start trolling it.
As for the article: corrugated!
November 20th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
After the idiocy of the liberal left spending years being blinded by fetal research based on a misguided need to hurt rather than help, it only stands to reason that a solution to the entire problem that doesn’t fit into their blind-agenda-based theories will be met with angst-based articles like this. Kudos… moron.
November 20th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
1st Anonymous: if they wasted their non-human life writing it, would that be OK?
Bridges: Correlated.
November 20th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
“I hope the author of this article spontaneously combusts.”
Ah, Mr Anonymous, I think I see where your problem is. You see, the harvesting of stem cells does not actually relate to spontaneous combustion at all. If it did, I would definitely have a problem with it, as would a lot of other people. But as it stands, the only thing that spontaneously combusts in the presence of stem cell research is independent scientific thought.
November 20th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
Haha, gave me a good laugh.
btw Erin, in case you didn’t know, you’ve been linked from /.
http://science.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=07/11/20/1944204
so expect a few more trolls.
November 20th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
Thanks! And don’t worry, I eat trolls for breakfast. Mmm, Honey Nuts Trolls…
November 20th, 2007 at 7:50 pm
Hey, I resent the comment about /. and trolls. If anything, /. is one of the most troll-free places on the interwebs.
Thumbs up on the article. It got a laugh outta me.
November 20th, 2007 at 10:59 pm
I read this because of /. and I, at first was thinking it was a supposed true story, Because I also read about the “-8 is less than -6? I won’t have it!” earlier today, and thought maybe humanity has Really achieved that low of a level of intelligence. Thankfully it was a joke, and then I was able to go on with my day thinking, oh good the world isn’t ending.
November 21st, 2007 at 7:22 am
This article made me lol, for the first couple posters, seriously, learn what sarcasm is. Thanks for the good early morning laugh
November 21st, 2007 at 7:38 am
Lame attempt at satire.
In fact, you’re not satirizing Bush, you’re satirizing your own blinkered misconceptions of his previous stances.
November 22nd, 2007 at 2:52 pm
What kind of misconception is that? The fact that the extra embryos from IVF are thrown into the trash because of him?
November 22nd, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Opponents of embryonic stem cell research are generally opposed to the destruction of embryos in fertility treatment too. They have heavily promoted adult stem cells as a viable alternative. Although he hasn’t conceded the principle, the recent move by Ian Wilmut is a total capitulation in practice, as he’s doing exactly what his opponents were saying all along.
This article seeks to satirise an opponent of embryonic stem cell research (Bush) by implying he would look for a way to ban this new procedure, when in fact such opponents have been jumping for joy at this recent news.