US Military Covertly Deploying Luck in Iraq Since ‘05 by in Politics / November 15th, 2007
In an interview with the Council on Foreign Relations in Washington, D.C. today, General David Petraeus’s adviser Steven Biddle made a startling admission that puts the already-strained diplomatic ties between America and Europe in danger.
When asked whether he attributed the recent decrease in violence to what is known as “the surge”, diplomacy or just luck, Mr Biddle answered: “All of those things have some role but I would put ‘luck’ as probably the biggest.” Within minutes, White House sources were working their Blackberrys furiously to downplay the situation, even as Ireland recalled its ambassador.
“It’s disgusting that they would deploy luck in this manner, especially given their past human rights abuses,” said Hans Meier, an political analyst at the University of Bonn in Paris. “The use of luck in a military setting has been outlawed for decades, and with good reason. If we start using luck, what’s to stop the insurgents from using it too?”
Indeed, after the Portertown Convention of 1965, use of luck was banned in most countries, although the Bush administration has recently made moves that suggest they do not believe any events taking place in 1965 really happened.
The extraction of luck in large quantities has long been a source of unease, especially after Time magazine’s photo spread of a pile of squeezed leprechaun corpses outside a warehouse in Langley, Virginia in 1962. A transcript of one such session, which famously “broke the luck cartel”, read: “You’ll never get me lucky chaaaaaaaaaaaarghghghghghg!!!”
November 15th, 2007 at 7:25 pm
Reports from Nevada indicate that vast quanities of luck have left the state over the last year. Last August an offical investigation was launched by Gamblers Uninted, a watchdog group of the gambling industry. A source familar with the investigation said that the investigation has discovered employees of State Department contractor Blackwater have been smuggling luck into Iraq and selling it on the black market.
In Las Vegas, the luck shortage has created problems for casinos ranging from changing the lyrics of Luck Be A Lady to Luck Be A Little Girl to having to schedule additional armoured car pick-ups because of the additional profits the casinos are now making bwcause of the lack of luck.