Early beta testers of Microsoft’s new MyLifeBits brain-backup service report serious issues with the service, ranging from garbled memories to combined experiences and straight-up memory loss.

“I’d been backing up my brain to their server for about a month when I decided to try downloading the phone number of this girl I liked,” said Sean Plymouth, 22, of Denton, MI. “But after I rebooted myself, all I could remember was knitting sweaters by this big-ass fireplace and drinking decaf orange pekoe.”

Representatives for Microsoft admitted some user data had been mixed up in the MyLifeBits server due to the flaky NTFS file system. In Plymouth’s case, his experiences had been overwritten by those of an 87-year-old grandmother from Wichita, who in turn had strikingly vibrant memories of being a drag queen in San Francisco.

Still, others report worse experiences:

“The first time I restored my memory, it said ‘file not found’,” said Roger Kinsepi, 44, of New York. “But the second time I did it, something went wrong and I couldn’t move my arms. It took me two hours to contact tech support with my toes, and they still don’t have an ETA for when I’ll be fixed.”

While some users have suggested a class action lawsuit might be in order to receive compensation for their ruined lives, a Microsoft rep said the click-through EULA all users agreed to when signing of up for MyLifeBits prohibits them holding Microsoft accountable for any data loss.

“Any customer that feels they have been damaged by the service should log back in click the ‘Fresh Start’ option, and it will be as if none of this had ever happened. Or at least we hope so. Actually, you might want to buy adult diapers first.”

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